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Judgemum Day

I am the brightest light, shining from the darkest depths

I love the picture above. I enjoy the idea of taking fairy tales, turning the light off and seeing what they represent in the darkness. We all have shadows...

Recently I've been asked about mums judging each other and how I feel about that. I've thought about it long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that it's not just a mum thing, it's a woman thing. In our desperate need to be the best princess, we ladies are sometimes rather mean to each other and I for one have never understood why...

Oh I'm not perfect, the few ladies that have crossed me or played games with me are on my naughty list and will never be forgiven and will probably be hunted down for all eternity. In general though, I am for the sisterhood and I really do think us ladies should stick together. I mean, when we are complete bitches to each other who are we doing it for? It's usually because we feel insecure or to impress men or because we are trying to behave like men and why my dears would we want to do that. Being a woman is a wonderful thing.

Women are gloriously strong. Each of us has that feminine beauty that should not be denied. We create life. We are generous, always putting our children first. Our bodies are magical beyond belief. We are wonderful, loyal friends and if we would just stick together, stop judging and competing with each other and stop trying to be like men (even though men are fabulous too) then we would make this world a wonderful place because women are pre-conditioned to form strong networks and communities that are built on love, woman could easily rule the world by sticking together.

A few years ago an agent wanted me to get new 'headshots' for casting directors to look at. I thought they were ok. I usually hate pictures of myself and have an inward battle with myself to accept how I look. To quote Marylin Monroe again,

"Wanting to be someone else, is a waste of who you are".

I love that quote and so I fight myself to love me. Not helping the war I have on my own looks, the agent said to me, "Darling these pictures, I'm sorry but I hate them, you look too fluffy, we want you to look intelligent".

Now, that statement to me is everything that's wrong with the way women treat each other. I imagine she thought she was being a great 'feminist' by what she said. Actually though she was being anti female in the extreme and I think my reply to her will explain why I think that is;

I replied, "Oh right, I didn't realise you couldn't be fluffy and intelligent." She had no reply and I left her agency a week later.

Now I'm not saying that you have to be 'fluffy' - whatever that derogatory term means, to be intelligent either. But why oh why ladies do we do this to each other? Being a woman is like being a diamond. It is multifaceted and that means it can sparkle from many different angles. We don't have to put different labels on the many different types of us. We are all worthy as women. We are all beautiful princesses in the light. I hate to say it but men do not label us anymore. (They wouldn't dare these days). We are holding ourselves back now and mainly by not sticking together and judging each other.

Please can we stick together...? There is a goddess inside each of us and we all have a warrioress inside us too and yes, I said warrioress and not the male 'warrior' because the 'ess' doesn't weaken us, it quite possibly makes us stronger. It should be celebrated and worn like a badge.

My own 'Judgemum' stories:

I have only been judged a few times since becoming a mum. Once, as you all know from previous blogs was because Phoenix didn't have his sunhat on. That didn't end well for the lady who judged me.

The other time was when he was 3 months old and both Ayden and I had to turn on the Christmas Lights on in Greenwich Market. I couldn't get childcare so I dressed Phoenix up as an elf and took him on stage. Not ideal but he's a pretty chilled baby and he seemed to be loving his life up there looking at all the lights.

(Here's Phoenix with his god mum back stage.)

While I was up on stage, I heard a lady very loudly and pointedly say, How disgusting, I would never take a tiny baby like that on stage. What a terrible mum"

Those of you that know me well, will be surprised to hear that I didn't get her up onstage and punch her in the nose while singing Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer to her (keeping the spirit of Christmas for the kids still of course).

I didn't even feel mad. I just felt awful. The mum guilt got the better of me and I spiralled in to thinking I was a terrible mum and just selfish and stagey, .

Thankfully though, my lovely NCT friends soon knocked that out of me when I retold them the tale by telling me, "Fuck her, what a nasty, judgemental cow ". So that was that, the sisterhood brought me home from my guilt trip, as only fellow sisterhooders can.

The only other time mums have been mean to me, was before I was a mum. I really don't understand why they would even give me the time of day but they did.

It started on the old Cbeebies message board. There were some pretty intense hate campaigns about me on there. That was pretty tough to take sometimes, especially as the bosses did seem to take heed of what they said and I was basically just a babysitter to their children, I wasn't trying to do anything but help them, I certainly did not mean to offend them.

A bit after I started at Cbeebies, a mum set up a 'I hate Sarah Jane Honeywell' Facebook page - but by then I'd developed quite a thick skin, so I just felt sorry for the poor woman and a bit bad that I could offend her so much.

Mumsnet, was the other place where mums felt the need to attack me. That was kind of funny though and if I pretended it wasn't about me it just made me laugh..

For example this was about me from a mum -

"Oh god, is she still knocking about? Loathe. Definitely. Why does she think its necessary to ape the mannerisms of a 6 year old? I'll bet she'd be a decent kids presenter if she just stopped trying to be a child in a womans body. It creeps me out and makes me want to punch her in equal measure."

Hahahaha, I like her!

Here's the comedy thread where that came from. Please feel free to laugh as it is funny but I think the' sisterhood' has perhaps deserted these poor ladies and so I do feel good about the fact that I gave them something to join together about......

So you see I have had my fair share of being judged and most of it was pretty funny and harmless but still, please ladies let's all down our weapons and create an army of 'all that's female' together. I guarantee that if I met any one of you I would see a rainbow glow shining out of you from that sparkly diamond in your soul. So next time another woman pisses you off or you feel yourself judging or you are being judged, take a moment and realise you are just seeing another side of her diamond. She's still a woman the same as you, so give her a break and I don't mean break her bones, I mean the kitkat type nice break!

We are all different but we are all fucking awesome because we are women and we shouldn't let anyone take that away from us.

I'm not sure what all this means for Phoenix but that's another blog I guess - a mums and sons blog.... Now that should be interesting!

#woman #judging #mumsnet #cbeebies