Today has not been an easy day - it started off with Ayden and me doing something lovely and exciting, something you can hear about on The Lorraine Show this Wednesday (as my good old friend Shane Lynch would say, 'Say nothing until you hear more') - but then Ayden had to go in to work, a job where you can't tag your baby along and I did what I do every day, I looked after Phoenix while trying to make a living writing, acting, vlogging, shopping, feeding and generally hustling.
Now I know I'm lucky, most of my work means that I can be at home with Phoenix. I did some filming last weekend on a film, which meant Phoenix stayed with my parents but that was only two days away from him and I was so busy it flew by. If I'm writing though or even presenting Phoenix can more often than not come with me. As some of you know, I even got him to help me to turn the Christmas Lights on in Greenwich Market last year!
I love the fact that I don't have to be away from little Phoenix. Lots of my friends with babies of similar ages are just going back to work at the moment and it's heart breaking hearing them reluctantly put their babies in to nursery or with a childminder. Babies that they carried for 9 months and since giving birth have spent nearly every hour with for the past year. It must be utterly soul wrenching for them.
In that first year, our babies are like our little familiars, our best friends, our only thought and our everything. Of course your children remain that way throughout life, but in that first year I think a necessary co-dependency grows between you and your baby that is hard to break free from when it's time to go back to work.
Today though, I have to be honest I kind of wished that just for one day, I didn't have to work from home. It was an absolute fucking nightmare. He's a tornado now he's older and constantly on the move! Plus I was really tired from filming, team that up with having to make what seemed like 50 business calls and emails to people, add a dash of doing the house work while climbing over toys and baby gates and finish off with a killer headache and it was not my best day.
I didn't even have a headache until on one of my most important business calls of the day, I found myself sat in Phoenix's playpen with him, so he wouldn't cry and mid call he discovered if he went round the back of me and held my hair like a rope he could swing about on it, making him squeal with delight. Of course not wanting to alert the director of a huge company to the fact that my small child was torturing me, I tried to keep my voice on even keel, I tried to breeze through the pain of ones child swinging on ones hair like it belongs to Rapunzel, while explaining to the potential employee that the laughter and screams of joy should not interfere with our conversation or any deal we might make.
Even now, at 10 o' clock at night he is running round like a hooligan in the kitchen. Ayden has taken over controlling our fire bundle for the evening, while I write, catch up on emails and drink a 'mugshot' for my lunch/dinner/ snack. Then we all have to pack for a trip to London tomorrow night ready for our interview on Lorraine (the whole family) on Wednesday morning.
Even with my head feeling like there's an axe in it as I write this at 10.30 at night with sneaky thoughts of having a bath as soon as I finish it, even though I don't need one, I just crave at least 10 minutes to myself, where I'm not working, cleaning or trying to stop Phoenix from eating the cat biscuits, my heart is smiling. It smiles because I can hear my boy singing away to himself and his dad saying, "No leave daddies phone alone" and I realise I love the carnage my baby has brought in to my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm lucky I can work from home and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful family. I just think tomorrow I may have to put my hair put up very tightly in a bun so that my young wanna-be Tarzan has nothing to swing on except perhaps my bingo wings!