This time last year I was waiting to give birth. That last week or so, just before Phoenix was born, I really felt like I was waiting to be mugged! I knew something painful and unknown was about to happen but I didn't know where and I didn't know when but it was definitely going to happen! I wandered round like I was about to get jumped, full of fear and excitement, with absolutely no clue as to how my life was about to change so fabulously in that one day.
If you're about to have a baby or you are at the early stages in to your first pregnancy you just can't picture what your life is about to become. Sure, you know lots of friends and family members with children, you might have even spent a life time working with children, as I had - but until you look in to the eyes of your own miracle you just don't realise how stepping in to parenthood is as different as stepping out in to Oz! I'd even go as far as to say the whole process is a bit like the Wizard Of Oz....
You are safe in Kansas. You're happy and content. You think you have it all and you are kind of smug in your independence. You don't have any Ruby slippers though and you feel something might be missing and so you longingly look over the rainbow for the answers. Is it in my career? You think. Is it money? Will I be over the rainbow when I find the right partner? Well, you're nearly there but not quite, that will definitely help though.
If you keep wishing you might be one of the lucky ones (and we are lucky) as a whirlwind hits you in the form of your baby. You are no longer in black and white Kansas you are now in the colourful, somewhat crazy land of Oz. Your little bundle of joy has hoisted you over the rainbow and you didn't even realise it was happening. You are surrounded by Munchkins (some of you bastards may argue that I am already a Munchkin) and these babies seem to paint your world with psychedelic colours that you didn't know even existed. Anyone that wants to hurt them or gets in your their way is the wicked witch and you waltz down the yellow brick road trying to steer your children to the Emerald City, full of new hope and promise. You yearn for the Wizard to bestow upon them all the great things in life that you never had... A brain, A heart. Courage and a home....
The only difference is, you don't want to go back to Kansas now. Wherever your children are, that is where your home is and those Ruby slippers are so much more magical than your old Jimmy Choo's. Why would you want to go back to being glamorous when you can wear red sequin shoes and hang out with a scarecrow, a tin man and a lion? Aunty Em will never be as much fun as as a camp old lion and evil flying monkeys and let's not forget how a house can land on you at any time in oz and so often feels like it has if you get behind on even one chore!
It's not very 'on trend' in the mum - land of Oz but it has it's own style...
Hell, I wasn't glamorous before anyway, now I have an excuse to look a mess and the great thing about looking a mess is people believe you might scrub up well. Once you're done up there's no where else to go. The mess and chaos enforced upon us by our children means they give us the gift of, room for improvement. I may look like a super model under all the food in my hair and bags under my eyes! The illusion of Oz-like nuttiness that being a mum brings lends it's own beauty that chicness and perfect bone structured models just can't contend with that. The ruby slippers of being a parent are timeless and full of magic.
Since having Phoenix, every day is different. He changes from day to day. Just when I think he has a routine, he has another one. Just when I think he won't surprise me with joy, he does and just when I think I couldn't be any more tired... he makes me smile and laugh from my very core to ensure I keep going!
I am learning to live again through his eyes and it's all so bright and sunny. He can stand on his own now and watching him learn to walk, chatter, wave and clap and just be, is breath taking. This year has been the start of a wonderful journey. A journey over the rainbow.
Somewhere, over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
If you are pregnant take care of yourself and I wish for you that your journey over the rainbow will be arriving safely, on time, so your adventure can begin...
For all you fellow parents that are already in Oz with me let's just enjoy every crazy moment.
I'm only a year down the yellow brick road and I'll happily dance along it forever, even though I secretly have already found my brain, my heart, my courage and most definitely my home all by because of Phoenix and they are right there in his tiny little hands. He holds them because he created them and he doesn't even know it..
Happy birthday week, my little warrior, thank you for showing me a brighter, even crazier and so much happier world.