Yes I'm a mum and I'm smug about it...
Recently in the New York Post a women (yes a women) wrote a scathing article with the headline...'Having a baby isn't a miracle and doesn't make you a goddess".
I'm not going to name the journalist as I think she's just mean but in her article she slagged off Beyonce and Adele for celebrating motherhood and speaking out about how hard it can be, basically saying because they are rich they shouldn't complain or rejoice in being a mum - well what a load of old bollocks that is!
Isn't the point that, it's motherhood rather than fame that makes all of us a goddess and equal and wasn't Beyonce celebrating that when she performed pregnant on stage at the Grammys this year? I know for me being a mother out shines anything I've ever achieved and it definitely ignited a light within in me, the light of a goddess. A light that is within us all.
Also at the Grammy's Adele spoke about losing herself in becoming a mum and this same journalist claimed that being as famous as Adele is, how could she 'lose herself' but again this lady seems to miss the point in that, it is a relief for all of us to know that even someone as well known as Adele, felt she had lost herself when she became a mum. I have found that as much as I love Phoenix, I have often felt like I have lost who I was before I became a mum. I would never want to go back to life without Phoenix but I it un-nerves me that I can barely remember who I once was before I had him and I'm thrilled to know that Adele feels the same as me. In motherhood we unite because of these emotional comparisons we can make.
This New York Post journalist also said;
"Our cultural imperative to elevate motherhood to both the most important thing in the world and the hardest thing in the world is getting out of control".
OK so this is the main reason I wanted to write this particular post, clearly this woman has no children because if she did have she would never have said this. The reason I know that, is because before I lost a baby and before I had my wonderful son, I would have said the exact same thing. But having now walked in a mothers shoes - I know differently. Let these things get out of control I say and any woman who says differently can go join forces with the men, she is not a feminist and she is not on our side girls!
Before I became a mother myself I admit, smug mums got on my nerves and I often moaned about them. Women who had kids seemed to behave like they knew something I didn't and it bugged me a lot. I too thought babies weren't miracles and mothers were not goddesses but I was so fucking wrong I could slap myself in the nose.
Every single baby is a miracle! Even if you're the most fertile woman in the world, your baby is a miracle. Maybe it's because I have had a miscarriage that I see every birth as a miracle - but all of us know how difficult it can be to conceive. You only have to look on forums where women talk about waiting to get a positive pregnancy test to see what a miracle a (BIG FAT POSITIVE) is and even when you have your positive result, you still have to get safely through the pregnancy and the birth itself. Every single human being that walks the Earth is a miracle - and any women that has had a baby knows that and any one who has lost a baby knows that even more.
Being a mum is the most important thing in the world and yes I am now one of the smug mums that women who haven't had a child yet resent. I have become the sort of woman that used to annoy me. Yes I freely admit that I do now have an air of knowing something non mums do not.... and that knowing is - I am so fucking lucky to experience the love I feel for Phoenix every single minute of every single day. I am ecstatic in the purpose that being a mum has created for me and I am grateful every day for the gift that knowing I exist for the life of another human being gives me.
Passing on our lineage is the most wonderful and natural thing. It should be the most celebrated thing of all because any one that is lucky enough to be able to do it is indeed blessed. More blessed than any millionaire and it's to be rejoiced that a super famous mother like Beyonce recognises this and shows it through her art.
But it is hard - because anything that involves our emotion rather than our logic is hard and it is OK to say it's hard. It's OK to say, I have lost myself in becoming a mum and it's OK to be scared about that. If Adele can be scared with all her fame and millions and doesn't that make us all feel a lot better. Thank you Adele for admitting you've felt lost, as it helps so many of us to see that it's normal to feel that way.
I look in the mirror at the moment and I don't always recognise the person looking back at me and I don't even have time to look for that long. With motherhood there is a definitely a disconnection from yourself, I think it may be that your ego falls away for a time. I don't ever remember feeling that way before I had Phoenix and thankfully now I can feel myself embarking upon a journey to reconnect with myself, to welcome back my ego so that I start to care about me again.
Not all people are blessed with children, I know for years I didn't even want them but now I have Phoenix I do feel like a goddess and I understand why any mum would be smug. It's not to be superior it's more that being a mum, is like winning the golden ticket to life.
Children are magical and they keep the magic of life alive. When you become a mum you do lose part of yourself but you also become a goddess! Who's not gonna be smug about that!